17,353,600 Seconds... and RUNNING LATE! Really!?

Or 7 months, 12 days excluding the end date

224 days can be converted to:

• 19,353,600 seconds
• 322,560 minutes
• 5376 hours
• 32 weeks

Yep... that is how long it has been since I have seen Joel. It's a long stinkin' time! I am so ready to have him here - bittersweet since he has to leave again in 17 days... 1,468,800 seconds. But really - whose counting anyway!?

I have recently been in touch with a community of other wives whose husbands deploy... and I keep hearing a recurring theme. I can't find a good word for what I see - the best I can find is resentment or feeling cheated. A sense of discontent with the spouse for being away or the job for taking them away.

In all honesty, there was a time that I was resentful, and Joel knew it. Everyone knew it. He felt guilty every time he had to go, felt bad while he was gone, and then had to make up for the time away somehow upon his return. Somehow, my eyes were opened after a few years though... years of missed anniversaries, birthdays, Christmases, You name a holiday - he has missed it... at least twice. Odds are I made an issue of it.

God opened my eyes to a new perspective. After several years of deployments, I started to see my error. - and how much pain I was causing Joel.

This job is a part of who Joel is right now... it is where he pours his talents and passions. I am so in love with him - and for me to resent something that is a huge part of who he is winds up wounding him. I know that if he could - he would be with us all the time. He is in a job where he can't. I also know that if we felt that I could not handle this time alone - he would be at my side in a second. But I can handle it, God provides me with the strength I need to get through each day. So I stand behind him... his number one supporter. Eventually my 'I hate you leaving' and his 'I hate having to go' turned into 'Geez this sucks - but we're gonna get through this and come out stronger'. One statement, one feeling, one team - Team Joel! :)

Missed birthdays, holidays, they are lonely - but the blessing is that the days he is here are all the more sweeter. The next couple weeks will be amazing. Holding hands for the first time... cuddles... giggles... I have butterflies in my tummy thinking about it! How many couples 11 years into marriage get to feel like newlyweds again!

I never want him to feel guilty - ever - that he has to go. I miss him. I wish he could be here. I cry. I get angry at the time away - but I am proud. I am proud of his commitment. I am proud of the job he does. I am proud to support him. He's the one who has to miss everything, I can't imagine how hard that is for him - and I pray for his peace every day.

So that's my little rant... and ironically right now I am angry with the airlines... He was supposed to arrive at 7:15p... and now that's been delayed to 8:05p. REALLY!!! I guess I can wait an additional 3,000 seconds. After all, he is the one that is on the plane - and that's not a good time.