On my mind and in my heart...

Things were supposed to be different right now...

We were supposed to have some more time before he left... lots more time.

We were supposed to be in the adoption book by now.

I was supposed to have everything in order...

I feel as if the things I set my heart heavily on got tossed up and switched around. Perhaps that is why I am usually so good with change. By not attaching to plans or things, I am saving myself any hurt. Perhaps it is part of being a military wife as well... and knowing change will be a part of my life.

I find solace in God. Knowing that He has this whole thing under control and it is all part of His plan and His plans are always better than mine.

I am frustrated with God. Knowing that He has this whole thing under control and it is all part of His plan and His plans are always better than mine.

I have a hard time sharing what I am feeling. Everyone has their own troubles and hardships, many of which are so much worse than mine... but I need to tell you how I feel. You deserve that as my friend, and friendships have always been hard for me to maintain...

I am scared. I worry for our safety, for Joel's safety, for the house, the dogs, and yes... the cat.

I am lonely. This whole year hasen't even started yet and it literally hurts to think about.

I hate asking for help. I feel weak... like I am letting someone down but can't figure out who.

I hate admitting these things. It makes me feel like such a wimp. It's only a year... and some change.

Friends, please pray for us. Keep asking Nate and I to do stuff... I am so busy trying to keep things rolling and saying no so often, I am afraid that eventually you will stop asking. Please don't. I will get this under control, and we need to get out and do stuff.

I do have a hard time laying these things on my friends... so I will write you now and then to give you glimpses of what's happening. I will feel better and there will be happier musings. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Thank you God for new days.